im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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