I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
