YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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