The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
