Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
