You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
