the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
