Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
