I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had sex on a roof
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
