Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
