also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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