It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
