I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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