mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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