alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
