I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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