What did we do last night that was yellow?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize