I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize