Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
