He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
