Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
