im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
