guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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