he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
