Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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