Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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