fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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