I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
