What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize