you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
