I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
