I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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