dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Never joke about your clitoris.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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