i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in