we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.