I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dating After Heartbreak
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.