I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
