Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.