smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
