Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo