That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.