I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?