i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
