I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt