the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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