my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
