By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
