ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
