clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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