that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
