The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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