OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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