hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH