Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
