I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.