Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.