Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing