Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
