i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
