She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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