he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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