she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
