why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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