We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
