We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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