a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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