Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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