i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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