I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
