Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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