He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
