I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
