Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
