His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
