Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
