I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
