you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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