Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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