Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
