Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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