Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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