Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
