I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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