She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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