So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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