Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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