So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The Easter sex puns were too abundant