Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.