yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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