I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.