i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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