I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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