i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize